The Darkling Read online

  And here they were…fighting to smother it.

  And if she felt all that, and if he did too…and if the world was falling apart all about them, then why were they being so stubborn and struggling how they were against their hearts?

  Thoughtfully, she drew up behind him, tenderly raising her hand to still his as it wrapped around another mason jar from the cupboard.

  Kaden slowed to a stop, eyes settling on her touch for a moment before they followed the path down her arm and to her face.

  Her eyes met him there as her fingers pressed between his and she brought his hand down, not letting go.

  “Lilja—” he barely managed to hush her name the way his heart was rising in his throat, sensing an intent from her he hadn’t before and feeling wary of it.

  But she didn’t stop. She turned him slowly to face her, raising her free hand up to cradle his face, fingers drawing over his stubble.

  “I always felt it,” she whispered, thinking of his warmth now that it was there beneath her fingertips.

  “Felt what?” he returned in a low, breathy tone, chest rising and falling as the butterflies in his caged heart began to rattle against their confines.

  “Every brush of your hand when I slept,” she told him, eyes settled in his for once with no intention of leaving, mesmerized by the way the glow of the fire danced in them just as much as it did behind them.

  The Keeper’s brow rose lightly.

  “Every time you combed your fingers through my hair, Kaden, every time you held my hand or cleaned by brow…You’ve always cared for me, and not just as a Keeper should.”

  His heart knotted, pain replacing the butterflies as his risen brow knit into a furrow.

  They couldn’t do this.

  But he didn’t move. He couldn’t make himself. Not when she was like this. Not when she was so close. Not after everything that had happened over the last few days and everything that could have. He could have lost her forever…

  He could have lost her forever without having told her of the truth that burdened his heart every time he thought of her.

  She stepped closer and he straightened slightly with a soft but audible inhale, licking his lips as he turned his face away, casting his eyes to the floor less he cave beneath the weight of the moment.

  “This won’t end well…” he breathed in warning what they both already knew. She was made of a different blood. She could only be with someone of title—someone who mattered. Not a weaver’s son… She had no place with him.

  He wouldn’t be able to keep her.

  “So we just keep ignoring this?” she asked of him sincerely, tilting her face, trying to catch his gaze in genuine wonder. She couldn’t do that anymore. She didn’t want to.

  His eyes drifted back to her, clearly swimming with his full heart for her and the conflicts of such a thing. He didn’t want to ignore it either—their hearts. He’d never wanted to. But wants and needs were terribly different things.

  “Tell me, Keeper,” she begged, softly in rich sincerity. “Tell me. Do you really think there is someone else who could ever love me better than you?”

  His eyes searched hers, lips parting as he struggled with words, though he knew the answer.

  “There might be,” he tried, jaw pulsing as he clinched his teeth against the bitter taste of the lie. His heart churned at the very thought of her with another. But he’d known that day would come—the day her hand was given to another for keeping. And it had always left him feeling broken in ways he couldn’t explain. But it was the way it would be.

  Lilja’s eyes lit and the corners of her mouth softened, turning up in a pleading smile for him to acknowledge the truth so that she might not be alone in it.

  “You, Kaden Finton Ashe, are a horrible liar,” she whispered gratefully.

  He couldn’t help himself after that when she smiled so knowingly, and with his next breath he found himself drawing her up to his chest, the warm air from their trembling mouths mingling in their closeness.

  Her fingers on his face fanned before she raised her other hand to tenderly sweep back through his curls less the moment be lost and he slip away. Her fingers dug softly at the nape of his neck, curling as they pulled him ever closer while they stood in those last few seconds of fruitless hesitation, hearts pounding.

  He heeded her beckoning, ever the good Keeper, his nose sweeping softly past hers and then, with a soft and careful stroke of his mouth, their lips brushed for the first time.

  It…was everything.

  His dreams had been all wrong. She didn’t taste of strawberried honey. She was far sweeter. Far better—richer. In that moment, he truly believed there was nothing else in all life he needed. Her lips filled all the gaps in his world.

  Her…this…was the most real magic he’d ever felt.

  For a time, they simply explored each other, breathing in anew a world they’d yet to share, exchanging soft breaths and lively affections they’d long fought against with nothing but the occasional pop of the fire as witness.

  Only when their lips were properly reddened did they part, though not by much, the coals of their hearts glowing steady.

  Kaden, still with his eyes closed, took a deep breath and rested his forehead against hers while they wound down, panting as their noses tenderly bumped.

  “I’m sorry,” she hushed to him there between breaths.

  “You have nothing to be sorry for,” he assured her with an airy chuckle as he licked his mouth, heart soaring despite how heavy it had been but moments before.

  His Princess was in his arms and on his lips.

  “I do, though,” she confessed of her heart, remorse and regret overpowering her now that they were here with their true affections plain. “I shouldn’t have kept you away, Kaden. No matter what. And I’m sorry.“ Love was what mattered most in the world, and she was more certain of that truth in that moment than she’d ever been of anything.

  Life was too short to waste its time lying to your heart.

  To be with him like this was everything she’d ever wanted. It was everything…right.

  What good was a kingdom if your heart was empty?

  Kaden’s hand on the small of her back drew her up to him once more for another kiss, and as another first, she tasted his smile as his lips drew up merrily to stop her from speaking more nonsense. There was no blame here. They’d both been fearful.

  They both probably still should have been.

  “You’re ridiculous,” she tried to say between mouthfuls of his interruption, but she clearly had no real complaints as she chuckled. How long had she wished for this freedom?

  “Ridiculously kissable?” he mumbled as the brush of his words painted more kisses on the canvas of her lips.

  The laughter that sprang from her then was one he’d never quite heard before, and he found himself wide-eyed in beautiful wonder as he jolted back a hair’s breadth to see her face while the glorious chime tumbled out.

  He’d done that—elicited that joy.

  With his eyes on her as they were, lost and found both at the same time, her laughter softened and she was left simply looking back up at him after a moment, falling unexpectedly bashful as she felt a warm flush up her neck.

  “What?” she asked of him simply. And in that simplicity, she couldn’t have ever dreamed of the words that would come out of his mouth.

  “I’ve wanted to say so much to you for so long, Lilja…” He breathed as his thumb brushed along her fine jaw. “But still in all the time I’ve had to think, I’ve never managed to find the right words.” And he certainly never thought he’d be able to speak them freely.

  “Kaden,” she whispered softly between them. That broke her heart as much as it mended it.

  “How—” he started, eyes narrowed almost painfully while he struggled still for the words. “How does one describe the feeling of the ocean tide as it’s gladly tamed by the pull of the moon?”

  Every bit of her heart—the pieces that had shatt
ered, the parts that had been bruised, were mended and balmed as he uttered such things.

  “…You’re the fire under my skin that keeps me on my toes. The hammer in my heart that keeps it pounding. The only craziness to haunt my head that’s ever brought me any peace. You, Lilja…I’ve loved you for what feels like forever and it’s still been nowhere near long enough.”

  Her lips parted, words playing hide and seek on the tip of her tongue as her heart pitched, fell, rose, sank, flew, knotted, and untied...and all at once.

  Kaden’s brow raised a pinch as the time that followed was filled with only silence. The corner of his mouth turned up in a bit of a meek grin, but there was no apology there. He’d never apologize of his heart. Certainly not now.

  “Too much?” he wondered of the truth.

  “No,” she breathed harshly, suddenly rocking up on the tips of her toes as her lips collided with his once more in what felt like a shower of sparks.

  Chapter Three

  The Dust

  They sat in front of the fire, hip to hip as they’d yet to stray further since their lips had met. Their hearts wouldn’t allow it. The true and simple presence of the other felt all but a necessity now that they’d tasted of it.

  Kaden chewed on some pemmican while Lilja fished out another spoonful of honey from the jar she held in her hand, thinking of the gilded goo as a dessert of sorts after the dried lentils she’d eaten for supper. It had been quite the meal after having not eaten properly in days.

  If you could consider what they had now proper.

  The warm golden glow of the fire danced about the room, casting long shadows as they finished their meals in silence. Kaden had pumped some water out of the well behind the house for them, but only after he’d boiled the collection did he let her drink any. It had been too long since the pipes had been used, and he didn’t want to chance anything ill befalling her. It was worth the wait, thirsty as they were.

  Lilja looked over her shoulder at him, taking in his silhouette in the darkened home as he ate. With a coy brow, Kaden returned the look before a smile overtook him for what must have been the hundredth time that night, and he chuckled before he leaned over to kiss her smooth cheek.

  To be able to do that now… How many times had he dreamt of such a freedom

  before?

  Her eyes closed beneath his lips and only after he’d settled back did she bother opening them. But when she did, worlds spun there, the fire setting her gaze aglow with sparkling light—wild flecks of galaxies dancing.

  Kaden saw the thoughts weaving there in her universe and slowed.

  “Thinking about how it’s going to work?” he hummed with a solemn smile, sincere and true as ever as he read her thoughts.

  “See—How is it you do that?” she wondered truthfully with a faint sparkle of a grin. He seemed to always know what was happening in her thoughts before she could even put words to them herself.

  “Is the ‘I see all’ joke old yet?” he wondered aloud before trying it.

  She bumped her arm into his, sending him gently rocking, but anchored him back again when she rested her head on his shoulder.

  “I am,” she confessed of her questioning thoughts as she stowed the spoon in the honey jar for now. She folded her arms across her chest and stared into the fireplace, watching the embers glow as she puzzled their complicated reality.

  “How do we, though?” she sighed. “Really.”

  “We just…make it.”

  “We just make it?” she chuckled, looking up from his shoulder at him. “—Keeper,” she hushed almost in reprimand. They had to be practical about this. It wasn’t lawful. She was to wed one of influence one day—a union that might strengthen and benefit the territory. And he was to be a soldier first, denying himself anything before the kingdom.

  Even his heart.

  Their act of loving each other would be considered treasonous.

  And he knew that as much as she did.

  They had to face this…They had to figure it out if they wanted this to be.

  Kaden’s eyes settled peacefully over her all the same, tracing the features of her face. “I don’t know,” he said honestly after a time as he acknowledged the truth. “But I know there has to be a way. And we’ll find it.” He wouldn’t let her go now, especially if this was what she wanted.

  As much as Lilja had hoped for more of an answer, as much as she’d wanted a clear path for them to take comfort in, she’d accept his words for now.

  She believed him.

  They’d find a way against the impossibilities. How could they not at this point? Where would they go if not together? And truthfully, the laws that kept them apart may not even exist if the territory didn’t make it…

  One day at a time.

  “When did you know?” she wondered on freely, thinking of all he’d said—how long he’d loved her.

  “Know what?” he asked casually, reaching for her spoon sticking out of the honey she held. He drew the scoop out and twirled it in his hand as the sticky sweetness wrapped itself up into a viscous, golden blob.

  “That it was more than just…”

  His eyes swept to her as she trailed off, looking for the words. He let her off the hook with a smile, understanding what she was asking.

  “The day we played fox and hound,” he answered cleanly without a doubt to be found in him.

  “What?” she puffed incredulously with a little laugh. There was no way he’d known since then. They were children! That was nonsense.

  “What?” he retorted. “I did,” he insisted in that casual air of his. “As soon as I saw your nose get all…scrunchy and the way your hips swayed when you got moody—“ he said, acting it out with a little rock of his own.

  That was it. Lilja took the spoon from him and ate the honey herself as she chuckled at his ridiculousness.

  “I mean it,” he told her sincerely all the same, smiling brightly with those eyes of his despite the thievery. Truth was, he’d been prepping the spoon for her sweet tooth anyway. But she didn’t need to know that.

  She looked back at him for a minute, slightly shaking her head before she bopped his nose with the spoon.

  He didn’t even flinch.

  “So it was my nose and hips,” she sighed, giving credit to them.

  “It was the energy behind them,” he corrected for accuracy’s sake.

  “The energy?” she questioned, watching her spoon as she spun the metal in front of her for a second, a new blob catching the glow of the flames beyond it.

  “Yeah. The life. The fire. You’ve never been one to be tamed, Lilja. You were the closet thing I’d seen to the wilds since I left them.” He’d been drawn to her from the start—a moth to a flame, save with a far better outcome.

  Hopefully.

  Lilja slowed to a stop, her playful expression giving way to something far more tender.

  She let a little quiet settle into the space between them before she spoke again, knowing what she was about to ask would be a lot for him to share.

  “Tell me about her, Kaden. What happened here?” she whispered gently.

  Kaden took in a deep breath before taking her in one more time. Then, lying back on the rug, he held an arm out for her while he tucked his other behind his head like a pillow.

  She joined him, nestling herself in the crook of his shoulder as his arm wrapped around her. He tucked his chin into her hair just to breathe her in that much more as he viewed the stars twinkling above them through the tattered roof.

  “It was the last hard snow for the year,” he began. “I was studying at the table and found a weaving I wanted to try. So, I did, even though I hadn’t read it through.” Like a fool. “It was my first barrier,” he said, and it had been his last until he’d been forced to conjure another for them just a few days ago.

  “A knock came at the door and so m’mom answered it and…” And that was it. “And a man took her. He just,” he searched the familiar sky with a heavy breath. “He j
ust took her.”

  “Why?” Lilja hushed. There was so much she didn’t understand.

  “I dunno,” he mumbled even after having puzzled the same question for years.

  “He asked her if her name was Nauraa, and when she said yes, he knocked her out and dragged her off.”

  “…And you couldn’t move out of the barrier?“ she finished, understanding what such a thing would do to a heart like his—how it would torture him. The cloak he’d woven had hidden him and protected him as much as it had trapped him. He’d been witness to all and just as helpless.

  When he didn’t answer, she pushed up off the floor, slowly, perching over him on an arm as she looked down into his face. When her hair tumbled over her shoulder, Kaden reached up and brushed it back for her, tucking some loose strands behind her ear.

  “You know it wasn’t your fault.”

  He gave a meek smile through a light scoff as his hand fell away, pushing back through his own hair now.

  “Stop it!” she hissed at him under a stern brow. “You know it wasn’t your fault. You’re not responsible for the evil of another.”

  “But what was my fault was not being smart enough or powerful enough to do something about it. I should have been able to protect her—“

  “You were just a boy, Kaden!” she retorted in blazed defense of him.

  “Size has nothing to do with power,” he told her through narrowing eyes, never willing to excuse himself. “It’s will. It’s determination. Endurance.” And he’d had that, just not…enough brains to have read through a simple weaving before attempting it.

  “Is that what you’ve been telling yourself all these years? That you somehow let this happen?”

  He stayed quiet, his jaw shifting as he took his eyes from her and placed them back on the sky.

  The truth was, though he’d never voice it, it was easier to be mad at himself than a ghost he could never punish.

  Lilja looked at him there, thinking for as whole a man as he seemed, he was terribly broken in ways she didn’t know how to mend.

  Her hand fell lightly on his face and she turned his attention back to her from the sky. Her thumb brushed his brow to ease it. The words she was to breathe came soft and true.